Oh, you silly kids…

Dear Occupy Seattle:

How can you expect us to take you seriously when you can’t figure out a simple, integrated message and just harp on it like professionals? Hell, even FOX News can stay on message, and they’re basically trained monkeys who fling poo on command.

It’s no wonder you kids are all over the map, what with that bouillabaisse daiquirita of position blending you’ve smeared all over Westlake Center. Your ideas just don’t play well together. It’s a sign of immaturity. You aren’t ready for prime time.

Some of you are Teamsters and SEIU. Some of you are homeless advocates; some are homeless yourselves — and how do you expect to build a platform when you can’t even swing getting a roof over your head? College students and middle-aged householders and retread hippies, nervous Libertarians with AstroTurf scars on their foreheads, die-hard Communist dead-enders standing arm in arm with homeless and disabled veterans, LGs hangin’ with the BTs, cats and dogs living together… with that kinda rabble, there’s just no way you’ll be able to boil your message down into something understandable.

That makes it easy for us to dismiss you and your so-called ideas. Gay boy over there? He ain’t me. And I’m definitely not like that busted-up old soldier, or that frisky anarchist with the ear gauges, or that burnt-out homeless gal leaning against the bank wall, grey as the falling rain.

This is America, where most of the voters grew up in a gutted public education system. How you gonna win their attention with fragmented, disjointed, confusing messages like this:

Banks got bailed out,
we got sold out!


Corporations are not people!


The middle class is too big to fail!


It’s not a crisis, it’s a scam!



Seriously, people, get your act together. We know it’s not enough to demonstrate peacefully and persistently. It’s not enough that you organized medical care, scheduled food deliveries, non-violence training sessions, legal representation and nationwide communications. We know people demand a galvanizing sound bite that’s fresh, punchy and real easy to spell.

Also, you’re gonna need a much bigger ad budget.


The One Percent

P.S. We know what we stand for:

Balancing budgets through zeroing out taxes!

SMALL governments bailing out BIG banks!

Deregulation for law and order!

See how simple?–1%

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  1. Well, I bot yr online book fr two ninety nine, and it was a bargain indeed. Of course, my 69s, r27, vincent and k75 are retired, because I keep my word to the old lady.

    I missed the holy land of conflict, due to good sense, and a feeling I wasn’t really protecting anything but privilege. Of course, then it was commie slants gonna git us, not rag heads.

    But the kid, tall, dark and toughasnails, decided he’d alternate the generations and go bushido warrior in Marine Recon. He’s back, working off the target on his soul in his semi rig. It’s mostly gone, as is his young life now he’s forty.

    About the lack of message? It’s like the bible, vague and punchy, so anyone weird enough about a job can write their own message. Maybe you missed how many of the signs are hand made? That’s cause people are hip to astroturf.

    What is showing is that they are taking care of their own business with those tents and food and toilets. Read archived adbusters.org to see how deep the planning has been.

    You can’t beat the corporate psych whores with a single message… and the drumbeats are mounting.

    Sorry about the spine and knees, but that’s the price of romanticism. Fun tho.

    I’ve got my hundred thousand on two wheels. Never been down. Learned how, rose to MY level, and maybe won’t ride again. Unless I do. Prices keep dropping as people gotta sell their toys. I don’t have any, so I can afford one.

    I’ll be reading around the site. Keep in touch.

  2. Two wow retorts on this one!

    Wow to Jack for the initial post. (I am in awe of how much you’re doing to keep this in the fore of our heads.)

    Wow to Ormond for the amazing comment.

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